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Profile:
Transgender
Favorite Look:
Classy / Stylish
I was born a boy, well that was the obvious decision, going by standard rules of appearance.
Growing up I was a quiet baby and as a small child quite happy playing on my own. The family next door had sons and a daughter around my own age,
I found playing dressing up and playing with dolls more in keeping with my feelings than playing football or climbing trees with her brothers, my greatest joy was running round her garden in a pink nylon petticoat.
I think it must have been some comment from my mother that made me realise that this wasn’t the done thing for a boy, I didn’t stop dressing up, I just stayed in the house so my mum could not see, (The lies and deception had begun), no such thing as 6ft high fences round gardens in those days to hide behind.
As I went on to junior school with more boys of my own age I began to try and join in with football and war games (The death and destruction of the 2nd world war was our parents and grandparents sole subject of conversation in those days).
Football was never and is still of no interest to me, war games were far too rough,
But school did have its advantages, dancing round a maypole weaving pretty patterns with coloured ribbons, and playing net ball with the girls, as it was a small school there was a shortage of girls to make up two sides. Unfortunately, no navy-blue knickers or PE skirt for me.
Senior school and puberty made changes to my understanding of male and female. I did not fit comfortably in the male role as I could not stand up for myself and would always back down from conflict. I found that working hard at lessons was frowned on by my male class mates and made me a target of ridicule. My First senior school was a rough and ruled by teachers who’s first weapon of choice was the Cain one of the teachers used a full-length broom handle, I still remember his name.
I found more in common with the girls at school and was constantly being ejected from the girl’s playground by teachers (in those days boys and girls had separate playgrounds).
Fortunately, a serious medical condition took me away from this school for some time it was closed down during my illness and upon being able to retune to schooling went to a brand new comprehensive, where if you miss behave you only had to duck from a carefully aimed piece of flying chalk
At the same time I was experimenting at home with my mum’s clothes She had many pairs of high heels, my Favosites were a red strappy pair of heels, stockings and a panty girdle to hold them up, I loved the feel of the nylon and the restriction of the girdle as it gripped my hips, ( Tights were much too expensive in those day) at the same time mum had started to be a makeup agent for studio Girl It was an early rival to Avon, the sample lipsticks gave me lots of different colours to try, along with the lotions and creams. As I was very much a latch key kid, I had plenty of time to practice being a girl on my own. At this time, I was beginning to develop my defence mechanisms that have stayed with me all my life, by taking on responsible roles at scouts, school and work to make me appear more masculine. While fine tuning a very quick sharp and acerbic humour, get in first and fast then they can’t get to see what you are trying to hide. If someone asked how I am I would just say “ok” and then ask them “how about you”? And then pursue their interests, family and health, they think I’m so nice to them, when all I’m rely doing is stopping them getting through my mask, Now I’m trying to unlearn this strategy as it is not the true me
As a teenager I started to experiment with my male clothes, bright colours, androgynes styles, see through under wear (my mum never got to see or wash those) the 70s were a great time to experiment.
Girlfriends came and went one wanted to be a beautician and would use me as a model to practice on (heaven), this all went fine until my parents went to her parents’ house for a meal, my girlfriend and I disappeared upstairs for a while she made my face up, to say my parents were not amused would be an understatement!
Motor bikes, sports cars, also came and went they were just a shell to hide Dee
Then Sue the love of my life came along my love for her and her for me was the most important love you can have, Dee slipped quietly into the back ground, marriage family life, building a home became my quest a perfect family what more could I want, I had the perfect life I was not aware of any Dee in my subconscious, I was so happy and fulfilled perfect wife, daughter and home life.
I now realise Dee was always there in the background. She was part of the whole that was me! As life progressed every so often, she would come to the fore and then slip quietly away, but each time she emerged she became a little stronger, a bit like a chick emerging from an egg, chipping away at the shell that I had built up. Until finally on that fateful evening of the 10th October she was out but like a chic emerging from an egg, she was not fully formed that would take years, and the help of my ever-loving wife Sue.
Why the name Dee Hope? Well as I’m dyslexic so a fancy female name would always be misspelt so I became Dee, and why Hope you may ask? Well because without Hope what is there?
dark hair brown eyes
Dee J Hope.
Interests:
Shopping, Dressed nights out, Will not meet, No Male Admirers Please!, Attached, Photography, Good Food / Wine
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