Hello there I'm Emma, and thanks for looking at my ikle profile. I guess this should be all about me and who i am........ Well its been a long long storey of how i got here, i'm not quite sure how to put my life in to words but i'll make my best try at it, so sorry if i bore you all......
The Script:
OK this is where I give you the old low down on who and what I am............... My name is Emma (its not real, but to me it is), my life is moving in to the area where I thought it would never be, 18 months ago in my life I was some over weight "boy" who had grand ideas (Well fantasies), that I could dress as a girl and look great!!! Beating myself over many many years of my life about who I really was, really made me a nasty horrible person, and I really hated myself for being like that, and I want to say on here that to everyone that I’ve ever ever hurt I’m so sorry!
You see I grew up in a very loving family that always made me feel like I was worth more than what I believed in myself (thanks Mum & Dad), but because of the normal restraints of our society I kind of guess I always fitted in to what my friends did (you see I was never a leader I guess always the follower!), but as I got to my adolescent years I grew more and more depressed about my presence and ability to attract the opposite sex (my crap chat lines never worked!), whilst I’d watched all my friends getting off with girl after girl I grew more and more unsure about the "boy" I was, dough ting my sexuality and feeling generally f**ked of about being me.
Then one day, I recall this being my 22nd birthday, something happened, I meet I wonderful girl, who looked past the crap one liners I still came out with, and saw the person inside me, she changed my life forever.... We did all the things you do in life when you fall in love, Holidays, New Home together, then............ she fell pregnant........... Hic up....... time to wake up............ I’m going to me a Dad.............. then "BANG", baby came a long............ WOW 26 years of heart built up emotion came out the day I held my son for the first time, I couldn't stop crying (don't think I ever have), but he was mine. Well like any "boy" with responsibilities in life I did the right thing; I left my job and worked for myself............Oh bolox, not the best move ever!!!........ Debt, babies, and partners don't ever make for a great combo in life, and being the idiot I was I used to lose it. Once or twice is fine to have a few tantrums, but on a daily basis was not making for a great family life I’d guessed I always wanted for us all. So the crack grew bigger and bigger then it broke......... I was back on my own, my love my only love the one person I’d always thought I’d be with for ever went, and with my children too......... I had debts, stress and hopeless sense of direction of where I was going in my life.
But like my Dad would always say to me you have to sail the stormy waters to get to paradise, so I focused on that, and knew that the focus was that burning desire for me to be "Emma". But I found this place called the "internet" and it gave me a prima to find others I could build strength from, but the bigger confusion is the fact that not all people on here think in the same way, Cam Wankers, Sexual perverts, and fantasists make this a very confusing and strange place, and have on many occasions have left me with the feeling that I must stop what I’m doing and be the "boy" society says I must be.
Thankfully the purging days are well behind me (and thank god as I did have some very bad size 18/20 outfits and wigs!). I choose to get my sorry arse out last September 2006 to BNO.
The Start
My first night out was like a drug I’d never taken, I was very very afraid but new it was going to give me a good feeling, but I guess I never thought about what would happen after! My First Night out Picture............ I'm not afraid to show this un like some people, its part of what made me.
Holly Shite, I really enjoyed it so much, I went back for October, and have only missed 2 since (due to family commitments!), but also in that time I met some of the most wonderful people God could have ever made, people just like me, reaching the same point as me for similar reasons, I felt alive!! But for the first time ever I started to like myself, knowing I was a good decent person and gave people respect, plus I was losing weight, being over 18st most of my adult life was something I’d not been proud of. I was 16.5st on my first BNO and as I sit here now typing this (28th July 2007), I’m pleased to tell every one that my scales have just ready 11st 12lbs!! Oh my God all I can say is all the bloody diets in the world have never worked; I simply focused on being "Emma", plus kept my calorie intake to less than 1500 per day.
The thing is it really doesn't matter what size or shape we are in this life, its more about the wonderful people we meet that seem to give us all the happiness and fun that makes life worth living.
Its an honour to have meet seen and been with all the people I’ve know, and you have all simply shown me one thing that life is worth living to the full, forever!
Site design and feature presentation is Copyright tvChix 2004-2026. tvChix is a registered trademark in the United Kingdom, European Union and United States.
